I booked my trip to Austin. I’ve never been there, but I’ve heard so many good things about it. I am keeping an open mind. I may move there, I may not. I won’t know until I visit. I arrive on Halloween.
One of my loyal readers who also knows me in the real world pointed out a story I had forgotten. It’s related to yesterday’s story about my stepmother Corinne.
The history is this: My mother met Corinne back in 1970. They were neighbors. Corinne’s kids were my best friends growing up and now they are my stepsisters. My father ended up marrying Corinne and my mother never forgave her, even though she didn’t want him. She didn’t care about my father, but she felt betrayed by Corinne for dating my father and then not telling her that she was dating him.
My mother was dropping off one day at my father’s house which is the house where she used to live. when she got to the driveway, she noticed Corinne’s car parked there. She dropped me off and then proceeded to drive all over my father’s lawn. I’ll never forget the look on Corinne’s face when she heard the screeching of the car and saw my mother driving all over the lawn. My mother is not someone you want to cross and Corinne has always been afraid of my mother.
Corinne’s youngest daughter, Caroline, was born two years after me and five years after Corinne and my father first met, back when my parents were still married to each other. Caroline bears a striking resemblance to me. If I were casting a part for my sister (I have no known siblings), I would definitely cast Caroline because she really does look like me. She also completely shares my father’s politics. They would often talk about issues and agree with each other on everything, meanwhile my stepmother and I would egg them on by talking about how much we like guns and how poor people should be forcibly sterilized. It’s always easy to bait my father because he takes things so seriously.
For a long time I have wondered if my stepsister is actually my half sister. One Sunday after family dinner, I stole a fork that Caroline had used and put it in a plastic baggie so that I could have her DNA tested and compared to my own.
I called a bunch of places that do DNA testing, but every place was either too expensive or told me they couldn’t do a DNA test without the person’s consent. I still have the fork with the DNA on it, so if any of you readers out there know how to do a DNA test, let me know and I will send you the fork and some of my DNA so you can test it to see if Caroline and I are biologically related. I’d really like to know.
Today’s song is the first Joni Mitchell song I have posted on this blog. It’s from 1975 and it’s called “Harry’s House/Centerpiece” from her “The Hissing of Summer Lawns” album. The reason I chose this song to go with this entry is because it’s about what the suburbs does to people and the petty things people do to each other when they are in a relationship. The song is full of incredible imagery, like:
“A helicopter lands on the Pan Am roof
Like a dragonfly on a tomb
And business men in button downs
Press into conference rooms
Battalions of paper minded males
Talking commodities and sales
While at home their paper wives
And paper kids
Paper the walls to keep their gut reactions hid.”
Joni Mitchell- Harry's House/Centerpiece
http://www.zshare.net/audio/40787494ba060c
The song reminds me of the relationship between my father and my stepmother.
“Yellow checkers for the kitchen
Climbing ivy for the bath
She is lost in House and Gardens
He's caught up in Chief of Staff
He drifts off into the memory
Of the way she looked in school
With her body oiled and shining
At the public swimming pool ...”
Showing posts with label Joni Mitchell. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Joni Mitchell. Show all posts
October 7, 2007
September 3, 2007
I want to read your mind To know just what I've got in this new thing I've found
Today I went to a restaurant in Brentwood, a nice restaurant. I went there because I heard that my favorite singer in the whole world, Joni Mitchell, often eats there at 3:00. I did not find Joni there, but I did do something that I usually don’t like to do: eat alone at a restaurant. I always feel exposed when I am eating alone, but the place was peaceful and I brought a book, so I was ok.
I got a spot facing the door so I could see if Joni came in. Since it’s Labor Day, I wonder if she’s out of town or doing something special today. I hate Labor Day because I associate it with the end of summer and the beginning of school, even after all these years. Well, summer doesn’t seem to be letting up, which is fine with me. It’s 105 here in LA today. I don’t have a/c, but I don’t care. It sure beats it being cold and having it below zero.
I wasn’t going to talk to Joni if she was there. I might smile in her direction, but that’s it. It’s weird how when you meet someone famous that you are inspired by, you expect her to recognize you, but of course, she won’t. She doesn’t even know you. She’s never heard of you, but you know everything about her music at least. What would I say to her? I’d probably ask her questions about specific songs and also tell her our similarities: we are both Scorpios (she’s almost exactly 30 years older than me), we are both only children, our initials are JM and we both grew up in the cold and longed to get away from. We both did when we moved to LA.
You’d think the song I post today would be a Joni song, but not yet. Today I am going to post a song I rediscovered this year, even though it’s 20 years old. It’s the Bruce Springsteen song “Brilliant Disguise”, a song I never liked until this year. It’s the most beautifully paranoid love song ever.
This song became a favorite of mine from an experience I had with one of the first friends I made in LA. I kind of moved here for him, but he doesn’t know that. I think I waited too long and now we are just friends. I’d really like to have sex with him though. This preoccupies my mind quite a bit.
After months of wondering if he was interested in me and many awkward moments, I realized he didn’t really want me in that way. (although secretly I never give up hope). Brilliant Disguise is sort of about that, about not feeling worthy of love and wondering if the one you love is sincere in his love, that sort of thing.
This song came back to me yesterday when I went out with a new friend. I met this guy at a friend’s party and became interested in him. I went to the Hollywood Bowl with him yesterday. It was supposed to be three of us, but the other guy dropped out because of the weather, so it was just David (not his real name; His real name is Dave) and I.
I’m very attracted to him, but I have no idea if he is attracted to me. I think not, I guess. Ever since my breakup with Jefferson (not his real name; his real name is Jackson), I’ve wondered if anyone really is attracted to me. Actually that’s not true. I’ve wondered if anyone will ever like me once he gets to know me. I fear I may be too abnormal for Dave.
I’ve been told my sex drive is too high. There is only one lover I’ve ever had with whom I couldn’t keep up, the rest could never keep up with me. It takes so much to get sex, all the talking, all that looking for parking, all that crap. I’m looking for a man who wants to do it with me all the time. Most men change their locks on me, so it never does last.
A Chinese proverb says:
“When you don’t know where you are going, go by a way you don’t know.”
This is good advice since I am lost.
Here is Brilliant Disguise
http://www.zshare.net/audio/346298493e2213
“Now look at me baby
struggling to do everything right
And then it all falls apart
Tonight our bed is cold
I'm lost in the darkness of our love
God have mercy on the man
Who doubts what he's sure of”
I got a spot facing the door so I could see if Joni came in. Since it’s Labor Day, I wonder if she’s out of town or doing something special today. I hate Labor Day because I associate it with the end of summer and the beginning of school, even after all these years. Well, summer doesn’t seem to be letting up, which is fine with me. It’s 105 here in LA today. I don’t have a/c, but I don’t care. It sure beats it being cold and having it below zero.
I wasn’t going to talk to Joni if she was there. I might smile in her direction, but that’s it. It’s weird how when you meet someone famous that you are inspired by, you expect her to recognize you, but of course, she won’t. She doesn’t even know you. She’s never heard of you, but you know everything about her music at least. What would I say to her? I’d probably ask her questions about specific songs and also tell her our similarities: we are both Scorpios (she’s almost exactly 30 years older than me), we are both only children, our initials are JM and we both grew up in the cold and longed to get away from. We both did when we moved to LA.
You’d think the song I post today would be a Joni song, but not yet. Today I am going to post a song I rediscovered this year, even though it’s 20 years old. It’s the Bruce Springsteen song “Brilliant Disguise”, a song I never liked until this year. It’s the most beautifully paranoid love song ever.
This song became a favorite of mine from an experience I had with one of the first friends I made in LA. I kind of moved here for him, but he doesn’t know that. I think I waited too long and now we are just friends. I’d really like to have sex with him though. This preoccupies my mind quite a bit.
After months of wondering if he was interested in me and many awkward moments, I realized he didn’t really want me in that way. (although secretly I never give up hope). Brilliant Disguise is sort of about that, about not feeling worthy of love and wondering if the one you love is sincere in his love, that sort of thing.
This song came back to me yesterday when I went out with a new friend. I met this guy at a friend’s party and became interested in him. I went to the Hollywood Bowl with him yesterday. It was supposed to be three of us, but the other guy dropped out because of the weather, so it was just David (not his real name; His real name is Dave) and I.
I’m very attracted to him, but I have no idea if he is attracted to me. I think not, I guess. Ever since my breakup with Jefferson (not his real name; his real name is Jackson), I’ve wondered if anyone really is attracted to me. Actually that’s not true. I’ve wondered if anyone will ever like me once he gets to know me. I fear I may be too abnormal for Dave.
I’ve been told my sex drive is too high. There is only one lover I’ve ever had with whom I couldn’t keep up, the rest could never keep up with me. It takes so much to get sex, all the talking, all that looking for parking, all that crap. I’m looking for a man who wants to do it with me all the time. Most men change their locks on me, so it never does last.
A Chinese proverb says:
“When you don’t know where you are going, go by a way you don’t know.”
This is good advice since I am lost.
Here is Brilliant Disguise
http://www.zshare.net/audio/346298493e2213
“Now look at me baby
struggling to do everything right
And then it all falls apart
Tonight our bed is cold
I'm lost in the darkness of our love
God have mercy on the man
Who doubts what he's sure of”
September 1, 2007
The Awful Rowing Begins
Hello All-
My name is Josh, not my real name. My real name is Noah.
Welcome to my music blog. I've been wanting to share some tunes with all of you. I am usually drawn to sad music, but not all the songs I post will be sad. It really depends on my mood. I will try to post at least one song a day, so please check back often.
If you are wondering where the title of this music blog comes from, it comes not from music, but from my favorite book of poetry, "The Awful Rowing Toward God" by Anne Sexton. Any Anne fans out there? My favorite poem of all time is in that book. It's called "The Rowing Endeth". To read that poem, visit http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1058/is_23_120/ai_111114163.
Music helps me in so many ways and it's usually the lyrics I am drawn to since I love poetry and words. I will be posting songs that mean something to me and telling you about the personal history of the song in my life.
Many of my friends have blogs and they post just personal things about one another and then someone always gets mad. I am writer. I put all my personal feelings in my writing. I am a private person, so I will be telling you things about myself, but it will take some time for me to get into all of that. Writing and music is confessional for me. I like to hide behind the words of a song or a poem.
Here are some facts about me for you curious types:
I am left handed.
I am a Jew.
I live in LA, but wonder most of the time what the hell I am doing here.
I always long to be some place else.
I'm a homo.
I like men who are dark and hairy.
Until I was 23 (meaning until someone told me), I used to use spoons and forks wrong when eating.
I have a block with spelling and math.
For the past three years I have been stuck.
It's now September 1st. I used to hate September when I was younger because it meant going back to school and the end of the summer and the beginning of a long, cold winter. Where I am from, in Minnesota, there is one day in early September when the clouds come in and the temperature goes down and you know that is the day that summer is over. Nice weather won't be back for seven or more months. People from Minnesota are such sky oriented people, geared to changing weather. No matter where a Minnesotan ends up, he or she will always be talking about the weather.
My favorite musical artist is Joni Mitchell. (yeah, you can just tell I'm lots of fun at a party, right!) Today we do not begin with Joni. We begin with Tracy Chapman, who's been a favorite of mine since her first album (I had the tape) in 1988. I used to play her tape constantly. My best friend Elizabeth (not her real name; her real name is Lola) used to hate it when I played Tracy Chapman. She hated all my "depressing music", but I never found it depressing. I always found it helpful.
The song to start off my music blog and to start this new month is a song from Tracy Chapman's 2005 album "Where You Live" called "Change". I chose this song to start with because it sums up where I am right now. I didn't particularly like this song when it first came out, but that year, two years ago, I was checked out of my life. I'm still checked out in ways no one understands, but I'm used to that now.
I am trying to change.
The lyrics:
If you knew that you would die today,
Saw the face of God and love,
Would you change?
Would you change?
If you knew that love can break your heart
When you're down so low you cannot fall
Would you change?
Would you change?
How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses? How much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around,
Makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget,
Makes you change?
Makes you change?
If you knew that you would be alone,
Knowing right, being wrong,
Would you change?
Would you change?
If you knew that you would find a truth
That brings up pain that can't be soothed
Would you change?
Would you change?
How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses? How much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around,
Makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget,
Makes you change?
Makes you change?
Are you so upright you can't be bent?
If it comes to blows are you so sure you won't be crawling?
If not for the good, why risk falling?
Why risk falling?
If everything you think you know,
Makes your life unbearable,
Would you change?
Would you change?
If you'd broken every rule and vow,
And hard times come to bring you down,
Would you change?
Would you change?
If you knew that you would die today,
If you saw the face of God and love,
Would you change?
Would you change?
Would you change?
Would you change?
If you saw the face of God and love
If you saw the face of God and love
Would you change?
Would you change?
===================================================
I'm using zshare to share the file. It's a site where you can hear the song before downloading it. The song is at:
http://www.zshare.net/audio/341612325450b1/
You can see the music video if you like at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s448Vvx2J7w
=======================================
Please let me know what you think of the songs I post. If you have songs you want to share, please send them my way. You can also email me:
mailto:theawfulrowing@google.com
NOAH
My name is Josh, not my real name. My real name is Noah.
Welcome to my music blog. I've been wanting to share some tunes with all of you. I am usually drawn to sad music, but not all the songs I post will be sad. It really depends on my mood. I will try to post at least one song a day, so please check back often.
If you are wondering where the title of this music blog comes from, it comes not from music, but from my favorite book of poetry, "The Awful Rowing Toward God" by Anne Sexton. Any Anne fans out there? My favorite poem of all time is in that book. It's called "The Rowing Endeth". To read that poem, visit http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1058/is_23_120/ai_111114163.
Music helps me in so many ways and it's usually the lyrics I am drawn to since I love poetry and words. I will be posting songs that mean something to me and telling you about the personal history of the song in my life.
Many of my friends have blogs and they post just personal things about one another and then someone always gets mad. I am writer. I put all my personal feelings in my writing. I am a private person, so I will be telling you things about myself, but it will take some time for me to get into all of that. Writing and music is confessional for me. I like to hide behind the words of a song or a poem.
Here are some facts about me for you curious types:
I am left handed.
I am a Jew.
I live in LA, but wonder most of the time what the hell I am doing here.
I always long to be some place else.
I'm a homo.
I like men who are dark and hairy.
Until I was 23 (meaning until someone told me), I used to use spoons and forks wrong when eating.
I have a block with spelling and math.
For the past three years I have been stuck.
It's now September 1st. I used to hate September when I was younger because it meant going back to school and the end of the summer and the beginning of a long, cold winter. Where I am from, in Minnesota, there is one day in early September when the clouds come in and the temperature goes down and you know that is the day that summer is over. Nice weather won't be back for seven or more months. People from Minnesota are such sky oriented people, geared to changing weather. No matter where a Minnesotan ends up, he or she will always be talking about the weather.
My favorite musical artist is Joni Mitchell. (yeah, you can just tell I'm lots of fun at a party, right!) Today we do not begin with Joni. We begin with Tracy Chapman, who's been a favorite of mine since her first album (I had the tape) in 1988. I used to play her tape constantly. My best friend Elizabeth (not her real name; her real name is Lola) used to hate it when I played Tracy Chapman. She hated all my "depressing music", but I never found it depressing. I always found it helpful.
The song to start off my music blog and to start this new month is a song from Tracy Chapman's 2005 album "Where You Live" called "Change". I chose this song to start with because it sums up where I am right now. I didn't particularly like this song when it first came out, but that year, two years ago, I was checked out of my life. I'm still checked out in ways no one understands, but I'm used to that now.
I am trying to change.
The lyrics:
If you knew that you would die today,
Saw the face of God and love,
Would you change?
Would you change?
If you knew that love can break your heart
When you're down so low you cannot fall
Would you change?
Would you change?
How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses? How much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around,
Makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget,
Makes you change?
Makes you change?
If you knew that you would be alone,
Knowing right, being wrong,
Would you change?
Would you change?
If you knew that you would find a truth
That brings up pain that can't be soothed
Would you change?
Would you change?
How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses? How much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around,
Makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget,
Makes you change?
Makes you change?
Are you so upright you can't be bent?
If it comes to blows are you so sure you won't be crawling?
If not for the good, why risk falling?
Why risk falling?
If everything you think you know,
Makes your life unbearable,
Would you change?
Would you change?
If you'd broken every rule and vow,
And hard times come to bring you down,
Would you change?
Would you change?
If you knew that you would die today,
If you saw the face of God and love,
Would you change?
Would you change?
Would you change?
Would you change?
If you saw the face of God and love
If you saw the face of God and love
Would you change?
Would you change?
===================================================
I'm using zshare to share the file. It's a site where you can hear the song before downloading it. The song is at:
http://www.zshare.net/audio/341612325450b1/
You can see the music video if you like at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s448Vvx2J7w
=======================================
Please let me know what you think of the songs I post. If you have songs you want to share, please send them my way. You can also email me:
mailto:theawfulrowing@google.com
NOAH
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
